It’s Not Fair

I was told by my dad, growing up, that the purpose of my life was to bring vindication to him for all the hardships he went through in coming to America just so I can have a better life.  My dad would tell me stories of how even if your dad told you to take a cow up on the roof, that you should do so as the son.  My favorite was the story about a drunk old dad who was out late, as usual, but it being the dead of winter, the good son goes out to look for Dad, only to find him frozen to the ice on the ground.  But being a boy, he is not able to carry Dad home, so he hugs him all night, and he freezes to death, and the drunk dad lives.  My dad thought this was a swell story.  But that was Confucianism.
 
My parents lived to carry out the dreams of their parents, and that’s how it’s been for generations up the acestral family tree.  In the Confucian view of things, you owe your life to your parents. They have total and absolute claim over you.  So, naturally, you need to sacrifice yourself to your parents’ wishes entirely.  You get your turn, though, by waiting till you are a parent, and then imposing your will on your kids.
 
But I’ve become a dad in a nice Western culture in which my very Asian kids are very American in having their own dreams, and clear sense of personal entitlement that parents provide well for them so that they can achieve their dreams.  So, that’s my role, to live for them, a role I am more than happy to play. The chain of each generation living for the previous one has been broken, and I am that broken link.  I think that’s grand.  Except for an occasional echo of a sense of … “hey … wait a minute ….”  : )
 
Of course, as a Christian, I know that my kids are a gift from God, and that I am to raise them as God’s children.  My sacrifice or labors for my children arise naturally from my love for them, but also my labors of love become my way of honoring the wonderful God who gave them to me to love and nurture. What a contrast to the traditional Asian family logic.